I protested, “I do not want to change my service, I want to make a payment. The textbook way is to be in the payment line.” He shook his head, “No, payments are in the Service Line.” Mr. Cranky came out of my mouth, “I see you got your prescription for stupid pills refilled.” Well, one of us enjoyed it.
Lately it seems I am getting crankier and crankier. Worse, I am really enjoying it. Another example: last September I was thrown off my medical plan by the Affordable Care Act. So I have spent gobs of time trying to get another plan with Democrats telling me that the problem is I am resisting signing up for political reasons.
Not so. My old plan took me back month by month when the new plan was not ready. Finally last week I got my new policy. I was prouder than when I got long pants. However, I went to the pharmacy to check on a prescription. “I am sorry Mr. Swickard; your prescription for Insulin has been rejected by the new insurance.”
So far it has not mattered whether I was cranky or not, I cannot get my Insulin. You might ask why does Michael want Insulin? Answer: because he is an Insulin dependent diabetic. When Nancy Pelosi, then Speaker of the House said you would have to pass the Affordable Care Act to see what was in it, I never thought some person in our nation’s capital would want to take Insulin away from me and call it Affordable Care.
Now I do not expect this impasse to last too many more weeks, but I have had a cranky-fest talking to people on the phone and in person. While it has not moved the marker even one inch closer to me getting the drugs I need to stay alive, at least I have enjoyed the moments of pure unadulterated crankiness.
When I was just a button of a kid I remember someone being a Cranky Old Hatchet. At the time I could not completely understand the description but tended to drift away from that person at all times. We kids were not allowed to be cranky, only adults… old adults.
Now at the age of 63 I have developed into a rather gracious radio talk show host who retains the ability to verbally rocket something at laggards, lunk-heads and liars. Example: the Post Office has an Overnight option which I was told took two nights Las Cruces to Albuquerque, a distance of 230 miles. It was pure joy to say in my crankiest voice, “Seems they ought to call it Overnights.”
Then Shuckins, it was delivered at 10:45 the next morning extinguishing a full day of crankiness that I was looking forward to spewing. It is their under-promise and over-deliver policy and it ruined all my fun. Luckily at a drive-in soda place a few minutes later I attempted to use a free coupon for a soda and was told it would be cheaper if I bought something.
Gosh, that next couple of minutes was fun, well fun for me. My voice dripped with sarcasm when I asked, “Cheaper than using a free coupon?” There might have been a perfectly good answer that would have satisfied someone not intending to be cranky. But I was riding a wave of good old American cranky.
Most of the people who are targets of my wit could not care less what I say. They respond, “Just move along Grandpa, you and that alleged humor should go back to the days of Black and White television.” Ah, lovely crankiness.
Dr. Michael Swickard hosts the syndicated radio talk show News New Mexico six to nine a.m. Monday - Friday on a number of New Mexico radio stations and through streaming. Email: michael@swickard.com
Dr. Michael Swickard hosts the syndicated radio talk show News New Mexico six to nine a.m. Monday - Friday on a number of New Mexico radio stations and through streaming. Email: michael@swickard.com
